Saying Goodbye to ‘Enough’
Coaches have coaches. In a recent session with mine, I declared “ I am retiring the word ‘Enough’!”
As a coach I’m keenly aware of the word ‘Enough’ when my clients use it. Like the word ‘should’, it’s often a signal that the Inner Critic is speaking- the part of our brain that frequently mistakes trying new things for a threat to our life.
Guess what? Being a coach doesn’t make me immune.
We can’t surgically remove our Inner Judge (or our ‘ itty bitty shitty committee’) – it’s the part of our brain that pulls our hand reflexively back from a hot surface. Like the reverse gear in a car, it’s valuable when intentionally applied in the right context. What we can do is:
Become more aware of its manoeuvres
Build up the ‘muscles’ of the wiser, more courageous and inspired part of our brain
Create strategies so that it is not driving our ‘bus’.
Recently I accepted the help of someone much younger than me with something for my business. My Inner Critic didn’t want me to accept her help. It said ‘you’re not savvy enough, far along enough, not quick enough - you’ll look bad’. It felt risky to the ‘Don’t Die’ part of my brain.
In a session with my own coach, I said the idea of doing this makes me feel like an ant on a billiard table – exposed with nowhere to hide.
Saying it out loud made me aware of what had been lurking in my unconscious. My coach asked me which of my values might be helpful here? I looked at the list I keep on my wall for moments like these. My values of Creativity, Growth, Collaboration and Playfulness started to put wind in my sails. I got creative (even though I’m a bit phobic about ants). ‘It’s MY billiard table’ I said. I can put plants on it for shade. And anyway – I love collaborating. I trust and like the person, I know I’m safe. I think we’ll have fun. More importantly, I love to grow, and this will help me grow.
My twinges of discomfort and resistance didn’t completely go away but were put in perspective.
I realized that for me to be courageous in this new project I will need to be more proactive about that ‘Enough’ whisper.
I committed to be alert to its whispers and mentally zap them – like an ant on a sidewalk- reminding myself of what I’m excited about and which of my values I’m living into.
No actual ants will be harmed in this process – even though I really don’t like them.
